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Top Mistakes Made by Hitler

  1. Land War in Asia
  2. Changed name from highly catchy 'Schickelgruber' to boring 'Hitler'
  3. Leaving his little mustache: not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln beard to instill trust among subjects
  4. Not buying lifts for his shoes
  5. Failure to exploit Me 262 Messerschmidt
  6. Failure to exploit Eva Braun
  7. Chose swastika as party symbol rather than the daisy
  8. Chose Josef Goebels rather than Marlene Dietrich to promote Nazi image
  9. Chose "Deutschland Uber Alles" over "Let's All Be There" as party slogan
  10. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones
  11. Chose unfashionable blacks and browns rather than trendy plaids and stripes as uniform colors for SS & SA
  12. Referring to Stalin as "that old Georgian fat back"
  13. Indiscriminate use of V-2 rockets for public fireworks displays
  14. Free beer in munitions plants
  15. Lisp never corrected
  16. Bad toupe
  17. Refused to undergo nostril reduction surgery
  18. Failed to conquer strategically important Comoros Islands
  19. Fell asleep in staff meetings
  20. Chose Italy as ally
  21. Got involved with a Sicilian when death was on the line
  22. Made pass at Eleanor Roosevelt during 1936 Olympics
  23. Built heliport on top of new Reichstag building which looked remarkably like a bullseye from the air
  24. Always got Churchill out of bed for conference calls
  25. Never had fireside mass rallies
  26. Told Einstein he had a stupid name
  27. Used SS instead of LAPD
  28. Admired Napoleon's strategy
  29. Strong fondness for saurkraut and beans made General Staff avoid him constantly
  30. In last days, chose to hide in bunker rather than ask U.S. for a little country place in Hawaii
  31. Nightmare involving Pillsbury Doughboy haunted him constantly with war advice
  32. Major theme in speeches -- "liebensraum, or "living room" -- widely misperceived as call for domestic architectural reform
  33. Failed to revoke Rudolph Hess's pilot licence.
  34. Pissed off Jesse Owens at 1936 Olympics
  35. Didn't put his brother Billy in the concentration camps. When word got out that Billy was just a beer guzzling fat guy in a small town in Bavaria who grew peanuts it was bad P.R. for Der Fuhrer
  36. Passed up Finish "tanks for snowshoes" offer before invasion of USSR
  37. Drank to much at Beer Hall Putsch
  38. Spent jail time planning how to conquer the world instead of his own escape.
  39. Forgot to write "Dear Joey" letter to Stalin before invasion of Poland
  40. Blew nose on Operation Barbarossa maps, forcing extemporaneous invasion of Soviet Union
  41. Took no steps to keep Neville Chamberline in power
  42. Chose the Tirpitz for that weekend of love with Eva in the Fjords
  43. Frequently mistaken for Charlie Chaplin due to mustache; undermined credibility (as when he threatened to invade Poland, everyone waited for the punchline)
  44. Came off as poor loser when "Triumph of the Will" failed to win Oscar for "best Foreign Documentary" -- "You don't like me" speech undermined image.
  45. Used to make prank calls to FDR asking if he had "Prince Albert in a can"
  46. Forgot correct interpretation of Nietzsche; caused much embarrassment when he used to cite philosophical support for his concept of the "Oberdude"
  47. Got drunk on schnapps and suggested Tojo attack the U.S. saying, "The U.S. only has twenty times your industrial power, what are you, a wimp?"
  48. Listened to too much Wagner and not enough Peter, Paul and Mary

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